Mastering Conflict: Strategies from The Queen of Negotiation!

Syya Yasotornrat (: 00:01

Welcome to another episode of the Influencers Connection Corner. As Thomas Crumb Wesley said once, the quality of our life depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them. It is indeed inevitable and we will always have to deal with conflicts, but it's our reactions that really define our journey. As someone who strives to grow, you know, on and evolve in the personal development area, I always strive to

grow each and every day. So talking about something that we're going to talk about today is very important, which is what is it? Strategies on how to master conflict. So how about that? See, what do you think about that?

So, Darlin, I am no, let's just say I'm very experienced and I dare say any adult will say they're very experienced in conflict. The question is, is how do we react from it? Right? What is our response to said conflict? What is it that we've used in our past experiences as that tool to aid us in overcoming those conflicts?

And the interesting part of this entire conversation today is that it's so incredibly subjective because of our upbringing. Now I'm not saying blame everything on your childhood, but I am saying for all of us in this, if I can, for me, set the tone for this conversation, it's when we have conflict, be aware of your life's journey and try to be empathetic to the other person's life's journey.

And see if there's a way to get that like middle ground that you can journey together for those few steps. If you choose to part ways, part ways. If you don't, what a great opportunity to march together. So that's my thought for today. It's amazing. Well, I do hope that the audience is tuning in. We're going to give them a couple of minutes to tune in and just let us know where you're tuning in from, because we always love to say hi and give shout outs to the community. And, uh, but anyhow, let's go ahead and roll that intro because I'm so excited to introduce our amazing guest that she's always been, you know.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 02:09

She's an expert in where I'm so eager to dive into everything that we have to talk about. So let's go ahead and roll that intro. Let's do it. Welcome to the Influencers Connection Corner.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 02:28

Hey, and dance and dance and dance now. Hey, it's a it's a faster vibe and I love it. I love it. I love it. Even though it's a Saturday, we're chilled. You know, thank you for tuning in, guys. I love it. Let us know where you tune in from. Shout out to everyone who's pulling up. But yes, conflict. We deal with it on a daily basis. We face, you know, come face to face with it, whether it's at the professional setting, whether it's at home.

Anywhere we go, we're always going to be surrounded by conflict. How do we manage that? How do we deal with it is what is really important. I know as a single mommy and I'm putting myself out there, I am constantly being hit left and right with stressors, but it's how I manage that and how I project myself and how I respond that really sets the tone for the type of day I will have ahead, the type of week I'll have ahead. So.

Yes, some days are easier than others, right? We definitely need to keep that in mind. But how do we learn some tips? How do we help ourselves in order to be able to continue our days in a positive way? So many questions, right? But do you have the answers? Not everybody has the answers, right? But we do have a person who has the answer. No.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 03:54

Do we? Because there are days, girl, I feel like I need to have this person on speed dial. And for a spell there, I think I did have this individual on speed dial. So shall we welcome our really good friend? Absolutely. Our dearest, dearest friend. Absolutely. So please welcome to the stage our one and only Leslie Nydek, the conflict strategist. So do we applause?

I went with the fairy because she's like my fairy. Yes, she is. If you only knew what just happened before you brought me on, there was a glitch that I was not on for a moment there. Well, you magically appear as the queen you are, madame. So welcome so much to this episode, Leslie. I'm super excited and honored to have you on just because.

of your stellar career, your expertise, and everything that you've shared with us, since I've gotten to know you in our community. So please go ahead and tell the audience a little bit about yourself. Oh, look. So I'm Leslie Nidic, the conflict strategist. And what that really means is that I have really honed my skills in communication, negotiation, and then, of course, conflict management.

And I came to this because I was in a career in design and construction. I was on a lot of construction sites. I was dealing with a lot of landlords and developers, and I was in the middle of conflict every day. And I realized that it seemed to be a secret what the solution is, that we need to communicate and say what we need and say what we want. And...

That is where it led me to train much more. And I'm just fixing my screen. There's always technical stuff, right? OK, sorry, everyone. Now I can see you again. And I just love sharing what I know. And that's really what brought me to LinkedIn a couple of years ago, that sometimes what I say seems obvious, but a lot of what I say we don't implement. We say, oh, yeah, that sounds great. And that's what I'm here for.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 06:20

integrate all of this into our day -to -day communication. And I'm so glad that you brought that up, Leslie, just because we don't think about the intricacies of actually conflict and what conflict looks like on a daily basis. So as you went, and I want to go back, kind of take it, how did you get into this? How did you become the queen of conflict, you know, disresolution and negotiation? So there was a point, a co -

a couple of decades ago when I wanted to go out on my own and I didn't know, like, well, what am I going to do? And I did what a lot of people need to do when you may want to take a pivot, figure out what you do well, what you want to focus on. And I realized that I really wanted to focus on communication and negotiation and conflict. And I couldn't just go out there and say, oh, OK.

That's now my expertise. I knew I did it well, but I wanted to be much more intentional. So of course, I did a lot of training and building up my own certifications. And then I started doing it. And 20 years ago, I was mostly doing mediation and arbitration and things in the courts and getting appointed as a neutral. And then there was that epiphany, wait a minute.

I want to connect my two career lives. There was the corporate organizational government side that I worked within. Now I was just completely focusing on the conflict resolution. I wanted to teach and share for everybody how to manage conflict in day to day. I think that's where I was most challenged when I first started in my career. And that's how eventually I ended up on LinkedIn.

and various other platforms because we need conflict management skills in everyday conversations, whether it's in the workplace or at home. Oh my gosh, yes, absolutely. I totally agree with you on that, Leslie, just because in life, right, we move from professional to personal setting. And sometimes we really don't know how to detach ourselves from one to the other. We bring home our problems from work. We bring...

Syya Yasotornrat (: 08:42

you know, to work our personal problems and we need to have the emotional maturity in order to do that. So what are some of the preliminary tips that you could offer to someone dealing with that type of, you know, those factors that generate from well, yeah. So first thing is, I remember when I first started working, there was like that rule, like leave your personal self at the door and then be your business self in the workplace.

How do you do that? We're like, we're one person. You can't leave it there. So we are a whole person. And I think it's taken all these decades for people to actually start talking about like, hey, show your heart, bring your heart to work and the workplace. And I probably learned a lot in the workplace where we weren't supposed to show our heart. And when we did, it was seen as a weakness. And I'm so excited.

that you hear much more people talking about, show your heart, people over everything. I even have a mug that reminds me every day, show your heart. I got it as a gift from someone. So I think that's key. Some of the other things are to really just address conflict or difficult communications or conversations that we have to have every day at work or at home. We have to believe.

And what I mean by that is that you have to always remind yourself, believe there's a solution, even when you have no idea what it is. It's okay not to know what it is. But if you believe there is no solution, I can guarantee you there won't be one. I have clients who come and present themselves to me and they're like, hey, you can try all you want. There's no solution. I'm like, well, with that attitude, you might as well leave now. And they're like, what, huh?

And I remind them, just do me the favor, believe there's a solution, even though right now we have no idea what it is. So that could bring us to resolution. The other thing is be objective. Many people come to me, oh, I'm objective all the time. No, you're probably not. We're much more subjective than we realize. And we have to...

Syya Yasotornrat (: 11:09

Really, you know, we use those terms like put yourself in someone else's shoes. Mm hmm. Do you know how to do that? It's really hard because you've got your experiences and judgments in your head. So to really hear it from the other side. Takes almost like this take on the role of being an explorer, like trying to wash, put all your stuff in a corner.

and now just explore what they're thinking, which is probably very different than what I'm thinking. Oh my goodness. Yeah, you nailed. I mean, I hope the audience is really taking notes because the way you said it is believe to me that is very powerful. Believe there is a solution already coming into the situation. How I'm at fault for this to how many times, you know, we come into a situation where like, no, I know I'm right. We don't want to see the other side or we don't want to meet in the middle because.

We think we're right. We think we're being done unfair, but we don't take the time to say, okay, let me take myself out of it and look at it from above and say, okay, let me look at their side or look at it from an objective, which you're right. We don't come into a situation like that sometimes. We really have our own personality that we inject into it. So that to me, it's very important. Believing that there is an actual solution already,

going into the situation. My goodness. Now, Alessi, do you work specifically with entities or do you work with individuals? What are the type of clients you work with?

I'll work with individuals, probably more so in the coming future because I'm offering something called the conflict tune -up because I've been asked for this type of service a lot where someone has a conflict and they want to develop their action plan of like how can they approach it? So it's very one -sided, but they need help figuring out like what should they work on? What should they focus on?

Syya Yasotornrat (: 13:19

How can they even ask better questions? But I also work with teams. I love that. And it usually starts with, yeah, go ahead, try. Oh, wow. Yeah, I know. Let's try. I said, but you got to try. It takes some time to build the trust so that they will let me do the work. And sometimes they're like, how'd you do that? I'm like,

you finally were just going with me and listening to me and asking questions. And I love working with teams very much. And then organizations. I mean, even this past week, there was a school in Spain that sent 80 of their master students to us. And I was working, it was sponsored by New York University where I occasionally teach and.

It was fantastic. And it really is a partnership with this organization because this is our third year and we'll probably be together again next year. So it's just all different ways. And then. The sharing, I know, Raquel, you know, I have a blog, it's very short, it takes a minute to read, and that's the point. I don't issue it every week. I do it every other week. It's just something that just kind of drop in your mind.

so that maybe you'll integrate it into your day to day. And that's a big part of how I teach and actually how I guide that like we always have to select one thing at a time. We can hear it all, but you can't implement that one thing at a time. And it starts building and building the layers of the positive communication so that we can unravel the negative layers of

the conflict. Love that. So can I can I just interrupt here guys? Because I just like I feel like and I apologize. I was like, am I a there? I got locked out of our own stream there. Like I also I don't know if I was showing through or not. But let me ask you this, because I did miss a little part of it, Leslie, because I really want to nail this down, because when we have teams in a work setting, OK, we know that theoretically there is an objective and goal for us to achieve. OK, theoretically. OK.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 15:44

But how often do you see that the, we don't even have that basic premise down that the team doesn't even know what they're quote teaming for. You, you hit the nail on the head. Yes, exactly. Uh, I will have a team leader, a management come to me and say, these teams are like never accomplishing what I want. So what is it that you want? They'll describe it.

How did you communicate that? And I'll get answers like, well, they should know we've been doing this kind of work for the last three years together. Or I'll get an answer like, well, I sent it in an email or I announced it at a meeting. And the big piece they forgot was the conversation. Just sending out a message, sending an email or just stating what you want is not communication. It's a piece of it.

but it's not the complete communication. And then they forget all the, even if they're in a meeting and you say, hey, any questions? Of course there are none, because everyone wants to get out of the meeting. The key is that follow -up feedback, like giving people a chance, like, hey, you know what? I'm going to let you think about this for a day, and then I'm going to come to each one of you and talk to you and answer questions and get your opinion of what we're working on and what our main goals are.

It's not just this one way, let me dish it out and then it's received as I intended. Because I can guarantee you, as often as we communicate, we are miscommunicated. And if we remember that, then we do the feedback and the follow up. It's never received what we intended to. Can we just understand that premise alone? Because that's like a big struggle, bless for me. Raquel, you and I, Raquel and I work together on so many different little projects together.

We at times I'm like if I'm like in focus mode I think it freaks her out because I actually am focused for once and then I'll get this random text for from her and she'd be like hey man, you've been awfully quiet Are you okay? Are you mad at me? And I just laugh at that because I'm like Who what what is and then I and then I understand this because I Will respond in my way if I'm in focus mode. I you guys it's such a rare occurrence I have to stay in the zone that I'll just give one word answers that maybe have two letters in it

Syya Yasotornrat (: 18:11

Right. Yes. But I can see where it freaks people out. But Akelle, does it freak you out when I say that to you? Yes, it does. Because I'm such an expressive person and we usually have very dynamic conversations in our, you know, in our partnership and the way we work together. So when she does that, I'm like, oh gosh, what happened? Something's wrong. Automatically, my brain goes, something is wrong because it's digressing from the norm. Right. So how do how do we apply that? Right. And not take it personal.

That's one of the things, not taking it personal. Before we go there, if I may, for those that don't know Raquel and me, we're both very outgoing people, but Raquel leads very much with her heart. And as much as I love people, I think I'm just more logic centered. So this is what we're talking about dynamic wise. So sorry, Leslie, please. Oh, it's okay. Please proceed and chair. Well, I just want to tell you, I was going to end with this quote.

But I want to share this quote because you just pretty much quoted this person and you didn't even realize it. George Bernard Shaw said, the single biggest problem in communication, and I'm reading it because I want to make sure I get it right, is the illusion that it has taken place. And if we keep that top of mind, it really changes how you maintain communication.

people and what your silence is saying to people and what your face is saying to people and what your tone of voice is saying or what your words are saying. So that's that. Well, OK, OK, if we can challenge everyone that's audiences. So it's like there's a lot of great folks in the chat. And I know quite a few of you personality wise.

Please share your stories of what you thought maybe you've experienced where you thought you were communicating and it backfired. I love those stories because it's a good reminder that, cause when you're conscious of the fact that you aren't doing it well, it's so painful to try to change and overcome it. So Leslie, what do you recommend for people that are in that zone where like, I recognize I'm not doing the best, but what do you suggest for, okay, look, what do you suggest for me? It's all about, this is a C account. This is all about you really, let's get to it.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 20:33

No, in general, the one thing I needed her eyes. And first of all, hello, everyone. I am seeing all your names fly by. Some of you knew many of you. I know I can't wait to get into the comments later because these comments are just flying around. I love it. So and Tiffany Castaño, thank you for being here. And all of you. I've seen Holly. I've seen Nick, Aaron.

Steven, so many people here I can't even remember, so I'll be in the comments. So the one thing I saw had happened the other day, and there was a conflict. And it really came down to one word on this team. And they were, and of course there were layers of conflict, but when we really got down to it, it was one word that there was a, a,

an instruction to deliver something soon. And what each team member, as well as their manager, how they define soon was on eight different planets. They truly were not living in the same world. But what shocked them was that they were all living on all these different planets with the definition of soon.

because they said those things. I hear all the time, well, we've worked together for a long time. You know what soon means to me or what soon meant on the last project. But they all forget, like context changes, the day of the week changes, the way you said it changed. So that's a lot of times where miscommunication comes. It sounds so simple, but we don't know we're doing it. We don't know that. Yeah.

Our tone of voice speaks louder than any of the words that I say. I can say something, right? I can say something wonderful, right? In a mean way. And that's how you're going to hear it. Or, okay. So I have to, yeah. Okay. I apologize. Go ahead. Leslie. Go ahead. Go ahead. I was going to tell you what happened to me. I mean, literally this happened to me. I was steaming that.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 22:52

someone said like something that I took like as a big insult and a and and not a criticism like deeper than a criticism like they were chopping at my core and then I was like okay listen to your own advice which I don't always do pause and then I like read it again and it still was like no this is not nice this is like really annoying me.

And then I realized so much of what people say, it wasn't about me, it was about them. They probably were frustrated by something. And I learned that later that they were frustrated. And who do you take a stab at? Who's ever in front of you? So I think that happens on teams and conflicts a lot. Like when we're under pressure, which we often are in the workplace, there's never enough time. Deadlines get pushed up.

so that we have to finish sooner. And what do we do? We're frustrated, but we still keep that thing of, well, we're not supposed to share our emotions. I mean, sometimes we gotta lay it on the table. Like, wow, this is like a huge challenge, everyone. I'm feeling the pressure, are you? And then you'll find out everyone is, but you think you're the only one. So we don't share our frustrations. Oh my goodness. I'm trying not to laugh. And Nick's comment, Nicole, shout out to you, love.

She says I need Leslie to teach me tact and diplomacy. Apparently I can't go around telling people you're dead wrong. I say you can't, but you gotta do it tactfully. So where do you fall on that? Where do I fall on that? Walking up to someone saying you're dead wrong, that's telling me that you don't even want to hear what I have to say. So we have to know, I'm gonna use another one that you hear all the time. I could say to myself,

like yesterday when I was pretty steamed about what someone said and wrote. I can say to myself, Leslie, you need to calm down first so that you can see the words, because my anger was filtering what I was reading. But don't say calm. If someone else says calm down to me, that pretty much is going to end the conversation. So same thing with what Nick wants to say with you're dead wrong. If you want to shut down the communication, go ahead and say that.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 25:18

But is that really your intention? So I follow it. Okay. So let me Okay. I was just going to ask you is, could, could, could there be a situation where maybe emotions are high tensions are high and both are just not in that happy place. Red zone. Everyone's in the red zone. What are your thoughts on delaying the conversation to deescalate and just, just kind of.

Walk away either physically or mentally and then bring it back later I guess my question and i've been accused of this too and i've seen other people do this is Let's address this now. I want to address this conflict now And then they say you're doing avoidance behavior How how could you know that at all dress? Because I know a lot of people are just anti -fights, right? it's a But listen if you're avoiding it forever and you just hope

that it's gonna go away, it won't. But if you're delaying it, which is different, you're taking a pause, which may be more than a moment. It may be many moments. You may even all wanna sleep on it, so to speak. That's a power tool. It's how you say it. So if someone comes up to me, they're clearly upset, I might say, wow, I really wanna know what's going on, what's happening. This is really important.

Let's suppose grab a coffee or a glass of water and meet in the conference room in an hour. What they're going to hear is, I've just said what they have to say is very important and I'm going to take the time to meet with them. We're going to get some private space, which is more appropriate. And now in that hour, either they may have time to vent or maybe not. I'll be able to listen to the venting more because maybe I needed to vent too.

I might be writing an email to myself, just venting it out. I may call a friend and go, you just have to listen to me for this, oh, thank you, you know, this moment. I get it out and then I go, ah, now I can listen better. But delaying is a skill. I just don't call it delay because people perceive that as, oh, you don't want to address it. I think it's important to let people know, wow, what you have to say is really important. It's so important.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 27:46

I want us to get a room. I want us to schedule time. I want us to turn all our phones off and they'll be like, Oh, wow, thank you. So suddenly this angry person is like, yes, I deserve that. And then that's the positive first step. I really liked that, that you broke it down that way Leslie, uh, because so many intricacies in nuisance in like loss in translation. For example, I have a good friend who tells me that, you know,

Texting sometimes it's bad when you're trying to convey a message because the person Depending on the day they're having who's receiving the message may read it in a different manner may you know the intonation the whatever it is that they're going through they may inject into that message and Internalize it and it was meant completely different. So how do we avoid those things? I know you went through some right now, but moving forward from setting to setting what is like one key aspect?

So with that, with texting, Slack, wherever you're getting, even an email, wherever you're getting the message, when we're reading it, we're hearing the voice we imagine they have. We're not hearing their voice. So especially if it's someone you work with or a family member, I will call them. There was a person who used to say,

Every time I send you an email, you come over to my desk. Eventually, I said, because the way you write sounds so angry. And when I ask you what you wrote, I'll tell them, oh, I saw you sent me an email, but I didn't have time to read it. What do you need? And they'll say it like, oh, I wanted to meet with you to talk about the project or understand more about why we're adding another week on. I go, that's not what you wrote. Oh my god.

how, what people think they wrote, they're hearing their voice in their head while they wrote it. But that voice, I don't hear it. That's why I know a lot of people who like sending voice notes now. Yes. Okay. So I got it. I got to mention this cause and I, if I could pull it up, I would pull it up now and share it. But YouTube has this like, I don't know copyright issue, but if anyone knows key and peel, they have a skit.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 30:08

where they are, oh, they're in ones in the kitchen, ones in the living room, like they're at their own houses and they're texting each other. And it's the funniest skit because the buddy's like, Hey man, what'd you do this afternoon? And the guy's like, Hey man, what are you doing? And it was like the funniest skit. So everyone key and peel. In fact, I'll probably add the link app somewhere in the comments below. Oh my God, you guys, it is, you just nailed it. That's it. Text messages cannot read sarcasm. I get it. Emojis are supposed to help with that, but.

Even that doesn't help. Trust me. I can't tell you how many times because I have a sarcastic, I get, Oh my God, I'm catching with your pitch and key and peel everyone. Check out that skill. Yes, I will put it in. Yes. But no, the other thing that I wanted to bring to the attention that it's, it's also in the professional setting. We have some etiquette mannerisms that we do that some people may not know outside. For example, I am in the healthcare industry as well. And we write in all caps. I know Sia writes in all caps, but when.

outsiders that you know, in the auto that community, when she types in all caps to other people who may not know, they'd be like, okay, well, why are you angry? Why are you yelling? Why are you shouting? Or, you know, the one word answers, Hey, listen, you're in a rut, you know, depending on where you are in the healthcare industry, time is time. So yeah.

You don't have time to say, oh, yes, that would be lovely if you join us. No, come now. And maybe they'll hear it. But if someone else from a different industry is interacting with that group, they'll be like, come now. Like, what's your problem? I need to first go make another stop somewhere else. So we need to know our audience. And I even dealt with it this past week. There were the group.

Not most of them were from Spain, but there were like 15 different countries covered. So cross -cultural communication, we knew it would be an issue. It was even more of an issue than we thought. English was not most of their first language. And how we interpret idioms or phrases or my favorite, the one where people throw acronyms around because it's

Syya Yasotornrat (: 32:24

common for you and your industry and I'll just be sitting there like, see, you really don't want me to know what you're talking about. And they'll be like, why? I go, you've been talking in acronyms and I'm still on the first one and I'm looking it up on my phone. So I missed the next 10 minutes of what you were talking about. So there's that's back to as often as we communicate, we miscommunicate because we lose our awareness. We think what I know, you know.

And you never know what I know. You're not in my head. I love the fact that you brought that up, the acronyms, because I've been in meetings where, you know, it's out of my industry or we're just having a coffee chat and then they start throwing all these acronyms and I'm like, OK, I'm going to take note of this. You know, I'll say it in a way that they would it will draw attention to them and say, hey, I didn't quite understand that. I would say I will take note of that acronym and I'll check it right after our conversation.

But I've noticed that that's not conducive. They will probably benefit more if I say, I'm not quite sure what that means so that they're better prepared next time. And they can actually explain it. So it in a sense is equipping them and helping them. But so for us, for example, that we're dealing with individuals on a daily basis, what is definitely one key aspect that we can internalize, that we can use as a tool for us to be able to

not take things personal and be sure that we're grounded in that aspect.

I think the one is, and it's challenging, listen more. And what I mean by that is, first of all, some people will go, I've been listening since I was born. So of course I know how to listen. What we don't know how to do is listen actively, listen fully. And there's reasons for it. There's like biological reasons. We have, you can all talk at 200 words per minute. There's a range.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 34:27

but an average. We can listen. We have the capacity to listen to 400 to 700 words a minute. So when you think about that difference, what happens is we have all this kind of space, and we start to try to use it up. We think about, we plan what we're going to say next. We plan what we're going to ask. We think about what we're going to have for dinner. And guess what? When we were doing that,

We miss part of the story. So we don't really listen because we're always planning like, oh, I want to know what to say right after they're done. So we do a lot. It's a lot of just bouncing the ball back and forth versus actually, um, how assessing what we're saying and thinking, because we don't give ourselves permission to pause. Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes. I, I, I am guilty of that too.

Sometimes I'm just Speedy Gonzalez with when it comes to talking and I'm like, and I don't take sometimes the time to take that pause and say, okay, let's, let's chew it. Less. No shout out to none of this. Uh, and yes, I just think that these are very, my gosh, take notes, y 'all take notes. Like I'm speechless because it's just so good. And these are so many simple things, but we don't take the time to stop and actually think about them. My gosh. And I know.

Go ahead. Oh, I was going to say, and a key one that we don't say out loud is our expectation. Some people think, well, if they're on the team, they're like, well, I don't have expectations. I'm waiting for my manager to say, no, no, no, we all have expectations of what's going to happen next, what the project is, what my responsibilities are. And especially a team that's accustomed to working together.

They think, they assume, and they think they know what everyone expects and what everyone will do. And it's usually quite the opposite. And then there's the disappointment, there's the frustration, they avoid saying anything. And we just don't state our expectations because we think that people know and they don't. Yeah, yes.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 36:51

Now, Leslie, I know we've talked about the negative, the drama, but now I'd like to focus. Can you share with us a specific time or where it actually worked out? You were able to lead a team into siphoning out their conflict. So could you share a specific time when you did that? Well, it happens often because it really is possible to manage conflict. In fact,

The time that's spent to manage it can feel long and a lot. And the reason why it's so worth the effort, because it creates a framework for the future. I had two people that they were friends first, then they were working together as a team. And they both had a lot of assumptions about their communication styles, but they were quite different.

on the personal level versus the business level. So a lot wasn't stated. But because they were friends and were colleagues, they didn't always mention everything. So they held it in. And they held it in for years and years. So when I started meeting with them, it doesn't happen by magic where I just say, hey, tell me what's going on. Oh, OK, this is how we're going to fix it.

Of course, it takes a long time. They're not that conscious of like, hey, when did this go wrong? What was going well when it worked right? And they just realized that assumptions were a big part of it. That when they heard something from someone else, like another colleague said, oh, you know, they took the credit for themselves on that project. You got to watch out for them. And even though they knew the person and they had the relationship,

All of a sudden, they're like, yeah, maybe they are trying to sabotage me or take all the credit. So when we unraveled all of that, they realized that, wow, like when we have trust in someone and we get information that sounds different than what we thought, when I asked them, why are we keeping it to ourselves? Hey, so -and -so said that you took all the credit for the project.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 39:15

If they had had that conversation, I wouldn't have been there a year later because they would have found out, well, no, I didn't, but let's find out why they interpreted that way. And then they became a team working it on it together. Like, you know what? Maybe we didn't present it that well. Maybe I need to plan a little more when I'm at those meetings because it did appear as if I was doing all the work myself and I didn't mean to imply that. Oh my goodness. And then, you know, it moves forward.

in that same framework. Look, I'm just gonna have to challenge you, Leslie. Okay, I'm just I'm listening and I'm also reading comments at the same time. There are some really great questions here, but I do have to ask you this. What you do is so critically needed. But you can't tell me there's a little bit of you that's like, yes, don't have that conversation. You're giving me job security. Do you ever think that way?

Syya Yasotornrat (: 40:14

No, no. And that's probably why I'm not sure. No, I really am not. And that's probably why I transitioned what my focus was in my business, where before it was much more like people in conflict. And that's how I got my work. You know, there were families in conflict in the court. And I had a friend or like a business colleague who was a judge.

The more she had in front of her that was in huge conflict, the more she called me. But in the end, that's not what I wanted. I wanted to be able to share with everyone, like, no, there really is a better way. We don't have to get into that. We're wasting so much energy. We're not happy most of the time when we're with those people that we're in constant conflict with. And that's really a couple of years ago. That's what transitioned. How can I share what I know?

so that people every day can start developing these skills that I wish we had all learned with our kindergarten skills, which we didn't. We learned a lot of great skills, like through school and all those years after and being in the professional workplaces that we're in. But we didn't really focus on how can we be intentional about our communication. So.

I'm not trying to be altruistic. I think there's still help that people need, but I want to focus on this part so that they could resolve their own conflicts. They don't need me to come in and be miss mediator or arbitrator or judge. I want them to resolve it on their own. And that's why I like coaching people individually so that they feel empowered. Oh, I love that. They, Leslie, you've like delivered so many golden nuggets, like.

I'm steroids, as I call it. It's just, it's amazing. You, the way you just said it, empowering individuals because they will be able to pretty much use those tools moving forward, right? Moving forward. So yes, it's amazing. I know we had questions, so I definitely want to give the opportunity for the audience to be able to get some of those answers live. I know Leslie, you will go back. I will. I always do. I love doing that.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 42:36

We have a couple there that I would like us to highlight. So we've got one from Nick because Nick, you know what I love about Nick? Can we just OK, if I may, one of the things about Nicole, Nick, the GBW for those that are connected. And by the way, we didn't do I forgot to put it on the caption. You guys please connect with each other on the chats or, you know, while you're while we're doing this call, because there's a lot of great, amazing people here who are actually very authentically led.

and they are all very much influential in their own space. So please connect with each other and learn and grow because there's so many cool people here. But so Nick asks, how do you bring heart to the workplace in a culture that believes feelings have no place at work? Fantastic. Nick, who I have met in real life and I hope to see her again. I know where you're at because I've been in that field.

even though I was often working for an organization and not for the contractors. I worked with contractors all the time. I was on construction sites. And I know that it seemed like I wasn't supposed to bring my heart. But when I did, it opened the communication and they started showing their heart more too.

It really was there. I know, like, you know, there's this whole bravado side, the way it was, the way it's always been. Someone's got to change it. And if it's just a small company or a small project, when you try it and show your heart, then that has the ripple effect and it really pays off. It's uncomfortable, but guess what? Anything good.

worth achieving is so uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable half the time doing it. I'm uncomfortable and nervous. Like every time I'm like, they're looking at me like, wow, all of our conflict time. And then you show your heart. I say when I don't know, I try to learn and be the explorer with what other people are working on. And it just is so powerful. Can I compound that a little bit?

Syya Yasotornrat (: 45:00

Leslie, have you ever been in these workplace conversations where you're just like, how do you overcome your own bias when you're listening and you're seeing kind of the dynamic between folks? How do you stay neutral enough where you're trying to facilitate themselves to figure out their own paths? But man, how do you not get involved at times? You're like, holy crap, I see the toxic person sitting right here. How do you overcome that? So I do have little tricks because you're right.

The tendency is there. Someone sounds annoying. I'm going to think they're annoying. And I can't always be like, wow, I'm just going to look through how they said it and figure out what words they're using and what they really mean. So there are plenty of times when I'm just looking at them going, oh my god, no wonder they're in a conflict. But I'll do tricks. First of all, before I go into a situation like that, I will tell myself stuff. I will have post -its.

that will remind me to follow my own rules. Pause. Remember that what they're saying is reflecting their own feelings and frustration. Their words are not jabbing at me. And I might even have some of those post -its on a piece of paper that they don't see because my trick is if I have a pad, my top few sheets of paper I never write on so that I can...

lift them up and look down at my little notes, oh, and remember to take a break. Or when I just can't take it anymore, I'll just say, oh, I think we need a short break for coffee. I've had some food here. Food is a fabulous leveler of emotions. But sometimes I don't really have to go take a break or go use the restroom. It's just, I need to do my own deep breathing to remember this isn't about me, it's about them.

Like my opinion is irrelevant. So I have to walk in with that feeling where I'm helping them on their guide, but how I would handle it doesn't matter. I need them to live with their resolution. So it's all about them. Ooh. Oh my gosh. Okay. Another mic drop right there. I mean, I love it. I love it. I know we have so many questions flying by, but let's go ahead and, uh, and.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 47:21

try to take the time to do those. So yeah, let's go ahead and see. Is this it? Okay, Janice, my struggle bus tends to be that conversation devolves from substance to semantics. How do you turn it back?

Syya Yasotornrat (: 47:37

I think you ask questions about what's sounding like semantics. What is going? I might say to someone like, oh, wait, what do you mean by that? Because a lot of times I'm assuming what they're inferring. I'm assuming what they're sharing. I might be hearing an inflection in their voice. I might be seeing their face.

And I'm letting that communicate to me. And most people don't know how to manage their facial expressions because they're not looking at themselves. Even if we're on, I know from a lot of zoom meetings that I hold that many people remove themselves from it. And when I realized that I'm like, oh, wow, they're not even managing what they look like right now. They're, they don't see it. So a lot of times are.

of what's happening is still based on our assumption. So I'll just ask a question like, oh, what's going on? What do you think?

Syya Yasotornrat (: 48:45

Okay, okay. That, I mean. I like that. What do you think? What do you think? Things like putting it back on them and at the same time, you're acknowledging that you are acknowledging them and their views and honoring them, their presence. And I just think that we need to practice that a little bit more. And like I said, I'm guilty. I usually don't balance it back and forth like that, but I think it's definitely one of the things that I'm taking away from this one.

But I think we do have one more question and then, you know, I mean, Leslie, I know you'll be around. I know you're such a good soul and I love you for that. So let's go ahead and do that last question one more, just because, you know, we're, we're so giving souls. So Steve Thomas says, I want to talk all day. I know we usually do. We usually talk all day, literally. So Steve says, hello Steve, by the way, how do you suggest someone calm down?

without saying these words. So if it's myself that needs to calm down, I need to have some intentional plan of how that works, whether it's taking a breath, whether, like I said before, literally saying to someone, hey, what you have to say is really important. Let's schedule the time for a little bit later or tomorrow. Depending on the context, tomorrow might sound aggressive.

If it's the other person that needs to calm down, I might say, wow, I know you're upset. I really want to understand what's happening here. Tell me what's going on. So, but that's very different than the calm down. What people hear is that, wow, I don't have the right to be upset. But when you ask them like, Hey, I want to know what led to this. They're like, Oh, okay. You're.

you're honoring or respecting my feelings. And now I want to explain it. And a lot of times, like, people's, like, their eyes, like, would go wide open. Oh, you actually want to know? Yeah, let's close the door. And I want to take the time and hear what's happening. So that's a couple. And of course, it's very individual to each person and your relationship with them. But I could tell you that it's pretty universal in any language. Telling someone, calm down.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 51:11

is not received very well. Yeah, no, you know, every time I says that, I think we've been in situations where, where that word came to our head, right? Yeah. And then we were like, you know what, let's just play that song, calm down and you just get it a happy mood. We've done that. We've done that. You know, music is a good thing. Exactly. Music.

Is it such a way to bring a great way to bring people together that have fundamental differences like at concerts? I can't tell you how many amazing people I've met where I fundamentally do not agree with them on many things, but the music we can always vibe together. Yeah. But it's also, I think, a great mental break, doesn't it? Does it does it help take you out of that red zone just to shift a thought? Yes. Well, I mean, I've done this in, you if I know we're going to be meeting for a long time. Of course, it depends on the context.

how I was hired, what the company is. But besides the food, just having background music on, during that food break or just coffee break or water break, or if people, if we've agreed like, hey, we're just gonna hang out here for half an hour so everyone could check their email, little music in the background, it's amazing. You watch the, I love observing it where some people starting to like bounce a little bit in their chair, they're relaxing.

I mean, music speaks to us. It's an incredible power tool to figure out how to integrate music. And the other one, again, people have to use this very cautiously to figure out how to insert laughter. Because if you could get people to laugh and giggle. But of course, with caution, height of escalated emotions, probably not, because they're going to take it as potentially as an insult.

But if you can get like a little smile and giggle out of someone, their whole body relaxes and all of a sudden they can hear better. Oh, OK. So I'm I'm all about that. I am all about having laughs, you know, having a little bit of fun, injecting that fun aspect into serious situations to alleviate or mediate the situation, right? Or deescalated. So I just think that it's it's important for us to start injecting those.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 53:31

tools, y 'all, if y 'all taking notes, please take notes. But for me, Leslie, and this is what I wanted to allude to, Cia says, I'm such a heart -centered person, you know, always leading with love, leading with kindness, and to me, that is very important, and I do it on a daily basis. So how important is empathy when it comes to conflict resolution? And this will be the last question that I have, and I probably...

Go ahead. I don't know how people led without empathy, although I've worked for organizations that led without it. And I didn't stay very long. It affects the culture. So it's so important because the situations I've seen, and it does cause conflict when there isn't any of them. Because what happens is I might go up to you, Raquel, in the workplace.

I'm going to tell you about something that really frustrated me. Oh, my boss changed the project deadline again. This is ridiculous. He does it all the time. I can't stand this lack of communication. And then you're going to start saying, oh, yeah, my boss just did that to me yesterday. And you'll talk about your frustration. And you think that's helping me. No, no, it's not helping me. My situation is different because it's mine. And you just missed out on hearing.

Like, wow, that must be, you know, instead of responding with, that must be stressful, that must be frustrating. And that goes on all the time where people will argue with me and say, no, but sharing my similar experience will be helpful. No, it's not. You just took away from what they're experiencing and they didn't get a chance to talk about it. So leading with empathy, practicing empathy, cause we need to, it doesn't.

always come natural, or more used to, let me share when something similar happened, or if you tell me a problem, I just want to fix it so we can get rid of it. No, no. I need to listen to what your problem is. I want to help you find the solution, because guess what? Next time, you're not going to be banging on my door, interrupting me, because now you have the tools and the confidence to resolve it yourself.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 55:46

Oh my goodness. Yes. Leslie, that to me, like I said, is very important in quipping someone, empowering them with the right tools to be able to face that situation next time, because we know there's always going to be that next time. So conflict happens always. Oh, conflict happens always. It's that that's like C H H. Yeah. No, we know cha cha cha. Yeah. That's it. Oh, we can chat all day.

Let's chat chat to conflict, right? Let's chat chat conflict out, right? Oh my gosh. Okay, see, hey, I'm just giving you a little, another tagline, but jokes aside, Leslie, I've, you know, we've enjoyed this conversation and we can go for days, no joke. And we've done that, we chatted so many times because conflict is all around us. And so to have a situation where we are better equipped with tools that you provided, with the guidance that you provide, with the...

coaching that you provide. It's just, it's really an amazing experience to be able to use those and actually put them to good use in the future, right? So Leslie, one last time, how do people get ahold of you? How can individuals start working with you? Well, first of all, find me on LinkedIn for sure, if you haven't already. DM me. I will always, if you tell me what your question is, I will always answer.

Soon I'll be offering the conflict tune -up, which really is an impactful couple of hours with me. It involves a questionnaire as well as meeting with me via Zoom. And the whole goal is to set up an action plan that you can implement because I do want to empower you. And then of course, later this year, I'm going to be offering courses that will have some.

interaction and interactivity. So it won't just be this one way lecturing type of thing, which is the last thing I like to do. I don't teach that way. I don't train that way. And I'm on X. I'm also on YouTube, the conflict strategist. Wherever I am, my goal is really what I said. I want to share it because if I can empower you to lead it yourself, you're going to keep implementing it. If I just tell you what to do.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 58:11

It's not everlasting. And then we could have a conversation. I love when people come back and say, do you know what impacted me the most? I got a note from a student from 10 years ago last night telling me something. I go, wow, I didn't even include that in my training anymore. I got to bring that back because she's telling me that was the single biggest factor that impacted her career, that one exercise. Well, it's coming back now.

Oh, well, there you go. And it's so always, you know, so endearing to hear from individuals that you've worked with or for them to share how you've impacted their lives. So let me tell you, ever since the first day we met, you've impacted mine. So thank you so much for your wisdom, for your knowledge, for your time, for your heart, and being here today and imparting your wisdom to the audience. And on this platform, LinkedIn, right? Because...

we all need it, but LinkedIn is the platform of our choice because we are professionals, but behind that professional, there's always someone, a human, you know, going through things, experiencing things. So this has been such a phenomenal and stellar conversation, Leslie, and I thank you. Thank you for your time. And so anyhow, guys, I want to thank you for everything, all the comments, we will go back and answer them. Leslie will take some time and answer some of your questions as well.

but feel free to connect with one another. This is after all a connection corner. We just embody everything that the good feelings, the kindness, the love, everything, just because this is how we need to lead. I don't know how to lead any other way and I keep saying that, but thank you all again. We will be back next week with a special show, I believe.

And it's supposed to be bi -weekly, but hey, we make exceptions here for phenomenal people such as Leslie. But other than that, guys, any parting thoughts? And yeah. Yeah, we're good, right? I've got my... Thank you. I feel the same way of the times. I still remember my first conversation with Sia, my first conversation with you, Raquel. Thank you, LinkedIn.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 01:00:29

because this is where our lives have intersected and it's real, you know? And I see Nick volunteering me that we're meeting up for coffee again with Steven and Claudia. That's the stuff. We can't all meet in person, but those of us who are near each other, hey, we've got to get together again because this is real. We're not just hosting at each other. We're talking with each other and building relationships that are everlasting. And...

It's more than business. It's our hearts. Oh my gosh. Okay. See she closed it out for us. It's not just business. It's more to that and it's it involves the heart guys. So please remember that. And like I said, lead with kindness, lead with love and always, always remember your one connection away from making a change in your life for the positive. So I love you all. Thank you for being here. Be blessed, stay safe and hasta luego.

Syya Yasotornrat (: 01:01:34

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